Inertia. That’s what I called it in my last blog.
I tried writing myself a curriculum and all that came was voices of teachers past echoing how I feel today. All the old cliches that they churned out to illustrate to my parents what I was or was not doing: “Must try harder”, “Lacks enthusiasm” (mind you if my memory serves me right that related to netball), “Lacks concentration” (all that ‘lacking’ why couldn’t they look up Roget) and “Ann must apply herself” (whatever that was supposed to mean).
Strangely enough all the above have been occurring of late and have manifested in various ways: not caring if I watch Coronation Street, neglecting to listen to Radio 4 (not even for the Archers on a Sunday morning), definitely not reading the bad news about how Ireland is moving around imaginary billions, abnormal desire for tea, toast and jam and worst of all for dedicated readers (at least my sense of humour is just about functioning) not writing this blog.
I suppose the technical term for what has been going on is ‘mild depresssion’. I googled it: low mood and other symptoms each day for at least two weeks. Symptoms can also become severe enough to interfere with day-to-day activities. It also says: An episode of depression may also be triggered by a life event such as relationship problem, bereavement, redundancy, illness, etc.
My brother dying was a terrible shock and people keep consoling me but it’s him I feel sorry for. There was so much life in him and so much more for him to enjoy. I envy the people who have faith and know that he is still there somewhere in heaven waiting for them or others who believe he is just temporarily resting. Eddie is gone and I kept trying to tell myself that we all have to continue living and do the best we can.
So what has prompted me to write today. It certainly isn’t daughter Ro asking when am I going to get back to normal and telling me that “it doesn’t suit me”. But she has something to do with it indirectly.
I have had a grá for a certain gentleman since I was flying home some years ago and he was on the plane with his wife and children. Already a fan of Boyzone (don’t even try!) I was excited. But this was no pop star it was a husband and father flying economy class, talking to his family with his rich Dublin accent and showing great care and affection. Ever since then I have admired him from afar. The fact that his looks happen to appeal to me is incidental.
I was at a social event that he attended and daughter Ro took a photo of us together. I saw it briefly that day on her mobile phone but alas that phone and photo have long ago been consigned to Ro’s mobile phone graveyard.
To my delight he got a part in Coronation Street thus ensuring that my addiction to the soap and him was unlikely to be cured any time soon and, even better, ‘the boys’ got back together again.
His little girl Mia has autism and he is a great campaigner for Irish Autism Action. On World Autism Awareness Day on Good Friday The Irish Times published an article by himself. I was surprised and happy to see it as the old IT can be a bit stuffy at times regarding the likes of Keith Duffy. (What am I saying? They seem to have welcomed back my own daughter’s Saturday meanderings with an open heart so cancel that).
On top of everything, there he was last night on UTV doing ridiculous things to win money for the charity Treetop.
How and why Mr Duffy is the one to bring me back to life I cannot say. Just happy and grateful.